i hate how sometimes, somethigns in your head look SO much better than how it actually turns out. ):

i thought the stuff i was doing christmas would be cute. ): but now, i really don't like it. and i feel bad cus im giving it to other people, and of course they'd be like "omg. archie. thank you. its so cute" adn blah blah. but i feel like they won't like it ): like. at all.

so im sorry for the crappy present ):

i'm at that point where i just want to give up. i feel like there are too many things to do, and i know i can do it, but its gonna take so much effort for me to do. and i'm not the kind of person who likes to put extra effort into certain things. i've never studied so much for a class, and its so frustrating when the work i put in doesn't correlate with the results i get. i'd be down to just sleep and not do anything, but i know that it'll pile up, and i'll be so annoyed at myself for not completing stuff beforehand. things are just getting a little crazy, and i need some away time. i want to escape for a week. and come back to no make-up work. winter break is just around the corner, but all the assignments and college apps and portfolios i have to work on make it seem like i'll be working untill next wednesday night. ):

deargod. save me from this madness D:

i'm so giddy. HOHOHO.

and i'm happy. just for the moment. and i'm going to cherish it. i'm not going to let anyone, or anything bring me down.

i went to an engagement party thing today (indian thing. ahah). but it was kinda cute. and i can't wait to meet my soul mate. or how i like to think of it, my prince charming. AHAHAHAH. i've never been asked out, gone on a date, kissed, or had an adventure with that special someone, and i'm totally okay with that. (this isn't a rant. its just whats been on my mind.). and i look at people aroudn me. and they seem so happy without that soulmate. like my dearest friend angel said. "your time will come" <3 but im so excited for that! to meet that person. and get to know them. and learn small thigns about them. find a soulmate that i can gush too, and be myself around, and yeaaaah. (:

here's to a drama free senior year!

i always think about why certain things happen. why am i in asb this year? because shit would come along, and asb-ers are the ones to help me out <3 i love them so so so much. and i dont know where i would be without them this year. so many new, amazing people i've met.

not having a good day. i want comfort food + friends right now. but i dont think thats going to happen.

i

am

so

confused.

i dont know what to do. or how i feel. or what i think i should do. or if its even worth it. ): self-esteeem slightly going down.

but apart from that, i guess i can say i've been happy so far. there's nothing really bringing me down. and its just an amazing feeling.

‎"sometimes i feel like talking to you but then i realize you don't care and neither do i"

first pay check! im so happy. (: disneyland is just a little bit closer.

so lots of personal thinking today!

i remember when i used to feel super left out. and right now, i dont feel like that anymore! i think i got closer to a certain few, and because of that, i dont have to feel left out.

i want someone to mess with. to be silly with. to go on adventures with. someone to have when i want to go play.

i'm still searching for that someone :D

gotta keep your head up. (oh, oh)

and you can let your hair down (eh, eh)

i pray for my family, and we can get through this together.

i had one of the best lunches so far yesterday. idkay why. but it was just amazing. everything seemed normal. :D

on a side note, i wont let this bring me down. i absolutely wont! i'm better than moping around! (:

i'm sorry for the things i've said

im sorry for the things i've done

i'm sorry for the mistakes i've made

i'm sorry for ignoring you

i'm sorry for constatnly bugging you

i'm sorry for not telling how i felt in the beginning

i'm sorry for being such a horrible friend.

i'm sorry for letting my grades slip

i'm sorry for trying to reach out

i'm sorry for being a nuisance

i'm sorry for not being the daughter you wanted me to be.

i'm sorry for judging you before

i'm thankful for the friends that i have made

i'm thankful for the ability to put things behind me and go on

i'm thankful for ways to express myself

i'm thankful for a supporting family

i'm thankful for food+harrypotter, comforts after a hard day.

i'm thankful for the friends who accept me for who i am

i'm thankful for the friends who watch out for me

i'm thankful for the friends who i can by myself with

i'm thankful for being able to help friends who need my help

i'm thankful for asb for fixing my day if it goes horrible

i'm thankful for being able to reconnect with an old friend

i'm thankful for the person i've become today

not exactly the perfect saturday. but the day's almost over, which means tomorrow is a whole new day. new start.

eeensie teensie bit paranoid. but kinda whatever about it (:

I'm THE class a "queen" bitch. so you better stay out of my solid gold castle.

uhm. kinda sad. i've mass texted asb members and asked for help for setting up for tomorrow. and absolutely NO ONE said they could....im not sure if my text didn't go through. or yeah. but yay me. 6:45 in the morning to decorate the school by myself!

to my bestest friends in the world <3

so before you guys came over yesterday, i was soo down and sad and tired. and i was just listening to music. and then fix you by coldplay started playing. and i dont know why. but for some reason i just started crying. i think its just that for some reason, if i havnt cryed in a while, all the tears get stored and some random moment (like yesterda) it just all came out. which was rather embarrasing cus i didnt even know why i was upset to be honest. and usually when im that upset, i like to be by myself and not talk about it. and just read/sleep it off. but obviously i couldnt do that cus we had to study for civcs (which i didnt do as well as i thought -____________-) but. i was kinda afraid for what would happen in case i accidently lashed out on both of you. but that didnt happen. and i dont know why, but you guys just being there made me happy. i didnt even talk about what happend that day, or why i was so mad. but i guess your guyses bubbly personality and your wonderful stories about vacationing in san francisco and buying food at south streeet just took my mind of things. (I AM SO CLEVER. SEE WHAT I DID THERE?!). but yeah. thank you for just being you <3

-archie

asb retreat was amazing. (: i really can't say more. it was just everything i expected and more. i loved getting closer everyone, new and old. and it was just phenomenal. im so excited to work with everyone this year :D and make more friends.

SIDENOTE: MARISSAAAA. I LOVE YOU TOO (: <3 and i will try to comment on every post. HAHA. :D

and i love making people's days.

and i reallllly want to coook something delicious. like REALLY REALLY goood. RANDOM. but yeah :D

summer 2011

things i've done so far:

finished seasons 1-6 of how i met your mother

seasons 1&2 of glee

season 10 of smallville

PLUS: up-to-date on

nine lives of chloe king

switched at birth

pretty little liars

franklin and bash

harry potter 1-7

beach

learned to play the uke

tumblr all day errryday!

reconnected with an old friend.

made a new friend.

kept my lovelies i cared about close by <3

hi there!

yeah. i still exist.

but go ahead and enjoy yourselves!

summer 2011..not crackin'

so i think i'm out of the group!

bittersweet moment?!: yes

butterbeer time to get rid of the bitter part: DOUBLE YES!

i'm slightly relieved that i don't have to go through that crap again.

senior year! new friends! :D

what's wrong with me? ):

i can legitly say that people who i knew so well, are like strangers to me. i can't go to a single hangout with out feeling like i don't belong. so maybe i don't belong. maybe i've been left out too long to the point where i can't mingle with my friends.

summer, you are absolutely wonderful --x

RAAAAAAAAANT.

rant sesssion time :D wooohooot.

i realized that i'm very insecure about my friends. not like im insecure about who my friends are and like those kinda things. but im afraid that the friendships that i have are just fake. and nothing is actually real. its actually a scary, the feeling i mean: not knowing if the people you're hanging out with lowkey dont want to hang out. or if they're just trying to be nice. idkay. im such an internal mess. ): i havn't had a real heart-to-heart talk with anyone for while. all the conversations i have are the general-friendish conversastions. it starts of with "hey. wasup. watchu doing...." and on and on. but thats just a conversation. i doubt there is any meaning! and i just have this lowkey feeling that i dont fit anywhere. i'm just an outsider that can blend in, but i dont fit. and its so frustrating. i dont know if this is inside me. or if im fabricating this. or if all of it is actually true. i guess if it was true, there is nothing i can do to change it.

wah. idkay anymore. --x this is when the rant becomes really wierd, and it doesnt make sense anymore. HAAHAHAAH. sigh. i just wish that i wouldnt feel like last resort, or feel unwanted. i want to be part of something. i just want to be happpy. ):

theres been a couple of things on my mind.

1. i have no motivation to do ANYTHING anymore ): i come home. see my bookshelf. get a harrypotter book and go under my covers. for those coupla hours, its absolutely perfecrt. until my little jimney crickets starts bugging me about my homework ): i needa get back into routine

2. i think i'm finally finally finally finally over you. took me what, a year? a year of complaining, and giggles and all that other stuff. and i want to thank my amigos who stood by and wouldnt get annoyed and frustrated with my rambles. i love youuu (: i dont know HOW or why it took so LONG. but im glad im done with this phase. cus it means i can move on. (: so while you are happy with your crushes, i'll be happy with my harrypotter books.

i know it sounds kinda depressing, but harrypotter= my life. so its not really THAT depressing.

3. proms comign up! YAAAY. and usually i would go on about " im not getting a date. and" blah blah balh. but this year. im kinida not worried/i kinda dont care. tbh. idkay why, but i feel like it doesnt REALLY matter if i have one or not. no matter what happenes, i'll have fun. i mean after going to a bajillion dances stag, i think i got the routine down :D so yay!

i guess its a good point in the school year now. i think there are so many things going on that i just dont want to do anything. this goes back to the no motivation.

but other than that.

happy april fools

and happy birthday fred and george (:

thank you for all the lectures, but i think i know how to live my life and treat the people i care about.

what a rollercoaster.

i dont wanna ride it. but its too late. so i just gotta make the best of it.

hopefully, i can do it.

note to self:

keep marching on. you can do it.

who said boys can be the best friends ever?

me.

who was completely wrong?

me.

i need to find new friends, or i'm gonna end up junior year with no friends.

hello there! i know you don't have a blogger. so you wont read this. so i can write whatever the hell i want. YUUPPEEE.

dear _______.

there are so many things i could write here, but when i see your face, i just have to wear that smile and act like im not frustrated inside. i cant subtly hint at what you are doing cus that would just ruin things and make it even worse. but the stupid part is that you dont even KNOW what you ARE doing. i've been trying so hard to not make this friendship fall apart. but its just one way. i know that you know that we havnt been doing much this year. but you just sit and watch. while im trying to fix it. this cant be one waaay. maybe this is when i say "fuck it" and just give up. i've done it before. and of course it hurts. but since this wouldnt be the first time, it shouldnt be too hard. and maybe you'd realize that im not there anymore. and we can play and be how we used to be last year. BUT i highly doubt that. cus you are just a lazy ass -___- and you wouldnt make any changes and i'm tired of feeling as if im bugging you or annoying you. when i've made so many attempts and asked you if your free this day or that day or the next day and your reply is "uuuhhmmmm" i get it. I GET IT. all you have to do is "oh. i think im hanging out with someone else" or even better, "i dont want to hang out with you" cus honeslty, "UHHMM" is just fuckign FALSE HOPE. i've been hurt before, so its nothing knew. it'll pass on.

your forgotten friend.

archie.

it feels good to write it out.

11th grade. what a year. its definitely different. and i'm not sure if i like it or not. its one of those things were it could be good or bad. academically it can always be better. thats just a given. even those with 4.0's are like "i need that a PLUS". but thats not even the whole "different" thing.

i've basically just befriended a lot of new people. and all the old ones are falling apart. i just dont even know anymore. i can see where we fell apart. all of our classes are different, we dont have time to talk, and schedules are just more hectic. but i thought these friendships were better than just the "if you have the same class, then you'll talk. if not. then there goes that friendship". i'm pretty sure my relationships weren't that plastic. and the other thing is that even IF they are in my classes this year, i just feel awkward talking to them. its like i don't belong with that group cus idkay what to do, to say, to act like. i feel like a newbie. basically.

the only place were i can truly not be awkward and happy is during talent show practices with shanti club. surprisingly. but what's gonna happen after talent show? no more play time. no more meeting amazingly chill people.

its not like i'm shutting myself out. im trying my best. but sometimes it just doenst work. but does that mean that alll of my friendships need to go like that? it feels like i'm just floating around. but i dont have one particular place/group to go.

idkay whats even going on anymore. i'm just gonna enjoy the time for now. the month i have left. and hopefully things will get better.

i am tired of you.