i realized that i'm very insecure about my friends. not like im insecure about who my friends are and like those kinda things. but im afraid that the friendships that i have are just fake. and nothing is actually real. its actually a scary, the feeling i mean: not knowing if the people you're hanging out with lowkey dont want to hang out. or if they're just trying to be nice. idkay. im such an internal mess. ): i havn't had a real heart-to-heart talk with anyone for while. all the conversations i have are the general-friendish conversastions. it starts of with "hey. wasup. watchu doing...." and on and on. but thats just a conversation. i doubt there is any meaning! and i just have this lowkey feeling that i dont fit anywhere. i'm just an outsider that can blend in, but i dont fit. and its so frustrating. i dont know if this is inside me. or if im fabricating this. or if all of it is actually true. i guess if it was true, there is nothing i can do to change it.
wah. idkay anymore. --x this is when the rant becomes really wierd, and it doesnt make sense anymore. HAAHAHAAH. sigh. i just wish that i wouldnt feel like last resort, or feel unwanted. i want to be part of something. i just want to be happpy. ):
