11th grade. what a year. its definitely different. and i'm not sure if i like it or not. its one of those things were it could be good or bad. academically it can always be better. thats just a given. even those with 4.0's are like "i need that a PLUS". but thats not even the whole "different" thing.

i've basically just befriended a lot of new people. and all the old ones are falling apart. i just dont even know anymore. i can see where we fell apart. all of our classes are different, we dont have time to talk, and schedules are just more hectic. but i thought these friendships were better than just the "if you have the same class, then you'll talk. if not. then there goes that friendship". i'm pretty sure my relationships weren't that plastic. and the other thing is that even IF they are in my classes this year, i just feel awkward talking to them. its like i don't belong with that group cus idkay what to do, to say, to act like. i feel like a newbie. basically.

the only place were i can truly not be awkward and happy is during talent show practices with shanti club. surprisingly. but what's gonna happen after talent show? no more play time. no more meeting amazingly chill people.

its not like i'm shutting myself out. im trying my best. but sometimes it just doenst work. but does that mean that alll of my friendships need to go like that? it feels like i'm just floating around. but i dont have one particular place/group to go.

idkay whats even going on anymore. i'm just gonna enjoy the time for now. the month i have left. and hopefully things will get better.