i hate seeing disappointment on my parents' faces. its like "i know you're trying your best. but why can't you do better than that?" well. i'm sorry i can't be the perfect 2400 student child that you hoped for. but i know i can be successful. please just let me do it my way. and i promise you that you'll be proud of me.

if i get grounded, imma be soooooooooo mad.

its not my fault my parents dont pick up their damn phone --x

i see you drivin round with the boy i love

and im like

FORGET YOUU. (:

i

hate

formal

season.

with a passion.

why am i always misunderstood? ):

and i've tried to many times. i think this is when i give up and just move on.

lols. i realized i only post when something is wrong. oh joy! :D

so i was wrong about people not reading blogs anymore. AHAH .

HELLO RALPH. (: i didn't know that you still used blogger x] and i think JOELEE's here too! HAH.

im getting so uncreative. i cant even think of titles for these. but whateverr.

sigh. so every time i see your smile, it just takes my breath away. and i know its wrong. but i cant seem to say no. AHAHA.

^ THAT SOUNDS SO WIIIEERD.

im tired of bitching. so im just not going to. freaking pointless. --x

hello. blogger.

"reunited and it feels so gooooooood"

WAH. i wish you were older than me. ): or atleast the same age.

i havn't posted in so long. and blogger is so out of it. so now i can rant all i want. and not many poeople would read. i dont think anyone would. so here it goes.

i always say im gonna get over you. and guess what happens? I DONT. i find something to hold on to. something you said or did for me. some small thing that probably means absolutely nothing to you, but for me, it means so much more.

yes. i know now im overreacting. and i should stop my bitching and whining and get on with life. and life will never be fair. and it just sucks for me. but. im done. i honestly cant handle it anymore. im tired of wearing a smile that doesnt even apply to me. im tired of hurting myself (emotionally) when all along, i KNEW something like this would happen. why? cus thats the story of my life. it just goes downhill. no matter what. sure i can enjoy little bits and peices, but at the end, what is it worth?

my life isnt a fucking movie or a fairytale were everything ends happily ever after. and now i really should stop whining because there are people wiht bigger problems then me. so for now

i'm gonna put you in the baaaackest part of my brain. and hopefully, you'll just vanish. its not that i dislike you are anything. actually, i'd really regret if i lose you as friend. but i WANT to get over you NOW.

so tomorrow. i'll have the biggest smile on my face. pretending nothing could posssibly be wrong.

i
am
so
tired
of
studying.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

SUMMER WHERE ARE YOU? D:

my wall is slowly building up

im in pieces

baby fix me

shake me till you wake me from this bad dream

literally. i need to wake up. and realize that all of this stuff isnt important. i need to put up a stronger wall, and ignore the judgments and comment people make about me. cus they don't understand, and will never understand the way i feel.

christina aguilera says it best mang.

'Cause it makes me that much stronger

Makes me work a little bit harder

It makes me that much wiser

So thanks for making me a fighter

Made me learn a little bit faster

Made my skin a little bit thicker

Makes me that much smarter

So thanks for making me a fighter

and that is EXACTLY how i feel. no joke.

yay for sadies. i would write more. but im not in the mood.

thanks for all the judging. that is EXACTLY what i need right now. T____T try to walk in my shoes first before you judge, yeah?

maybe i should have moved to india when i had the chance.

dear god,
whenever something good happens. SOMETHING ELSE JUST HAS TO BREAK IT. and ruin it. and mess it up. honestly god, is it that hard to keep one little girl happy for atleast a week? is that so much to ask?

but thank you (sarcastic). DO YOU THINK THAT MY SKIN WILL GET THICKER? and i'll be less sensitive or something? cus im not one oridnary girl. and that won't happen. i am a sensitive.stressed.paranoid.emotional girl. and breaking me like this into pieces just make me worse. i cry a lot. i think too much for one thing. and im super paranoid. and im not a daring person. thats a lot of negative qualities to put in one person. dont you think? so why do you choose ME to get all of this?

if you're planning on breaking me bit by bit. and making it hurt. well good job. its working perfectly. congradulations. now why dont you just break my completely. im in such a position that i can probably handle it now. i just hate how its like good thing. WAIT HOLD UP. HUGE BAD THING that takes over good thing. cant you just give all the bad things at once? let me just be a failure.

love a child you messed up on,
archie.

no one posts here anymore. has everyone moved onto tumblr now? x]

no one posts here anymore. has everyone moved onto tumblr now? x]

):

what do you do when you are just holding onto air? its nothing. and it feels so BELGH after you realize its JUST air. ):

i feel very OILKJGAIUT right now. not the MAD LAKSDI one. the sad LJEITU one. x] and i feel insecure.

thanks for making me feel insecure and not so good about myself _____. UGH.

this is strictly a rant.

i remember when tiff ranted here, everyone jumped and attacked her. T_T it was just a rant afterall. so please! im just ranting here. dont take it too personally. and if you think im referring to you, then you're probably wrong.

i hate it how everyone's blaming us. and i hate it how no one knows boht sides of the story. so their just assuming. and i hate it how all of us are making this even bigger than it already is. and i hate it how everyone pretends to be nice at school. and they become so mean online. i hate it how all these relationships are breaking, and i dont want them broken. and i dotn want plastic relatiobships. cus its just gonan break again. i want one thats like a tree. always growing and always beautiful. i hate it how i only have a few "tree relationships" and i hate it how our 3day weekend got ruined. and i hate it how we dont even know who to trust anymore. and knowing wether that smile is fake or not. and im just so lost. and i just wanna disspear. and not be part of this anymore.

formspring.me

:D :) :^) :O Which one do you like the best???

I LIKE THIS QUESTION! :D uhm. i like <3 the best. but i think you forgot to put it. HEHE. so i would choooose :D

Ask me anything

formspring.me

HI ARCHIE! :D GUESS WHO

HI PALEY.

why are you so annoying and untrustworthy? and freeload so much?

what is with you and your formspring bullying? say it to my FACE and stop hiding behind the computer.

Ask me anything

formspring.me

HI ARCHIE. GO ARCHAZ!

o.o ridiculous much?

HAYYYYYYYYy

HEY THERE TIFF (:

Ask me anything

formspring.me

afraz: 1 through 10. ;)

LOLS. its between 1-10. ;]

Do you like Afraz Khan? (: kekekeke. LOL JK. It's Marissaaaa. :D andandandand i'm bored and not sleepyyy. x) YAY DECO MEETING TOMORROW -_-

LOLS. HELLO MARISSA. :D

what an interesting sadies meeting today! yes yes? (: you know whats gonna be MORE interesting. when you ask chris to sadies. :D HEHEHEH.

mchrissa <3

Do you think the new kid is cool? *wink wink*

HEHEH. he's reserved for someone else. WINK WINK.

Ask me anything

formspring.me

afraz: 1 through 10. ;)

yesnomaybeso! ;]

Do you like Afraz Khan? (: kekekeke. LOL JK. It's Marissaaaa. :D andandandand i'm bored and not sleepyyy. x) YAY DECO MEETING TOMORROW -_-

LOLS. HELLO MARISSA. :D

what an interesting sadies meeting today! yes yes? (: you know whats gonna be MORE interesting. when you ask chris to sadies. :D HEHEHEH.

mchrissa <3

Do you think the new kid is cool? *wink wink*

HEHEH. he's reserved for someone else. WINK WINK.

Ask me anything

formspring.me

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/smileitsarchie

rock bottom.

i really like ralph's posst. and thats how i feel right now. so im not gonna bother repeating all of that cus 1. he already wrote it and 2. his is probably beetter anyways.

so yeaah. (: i hate it how my mood can change so quicklly. becuase of one thing. i can be super super HYPER. and liek WOAH. YEAAY. THATS SO COOL. and then like a minute later its like "i hate life. wth. why. this is so unfaaair" and like full on "life is suckish" mode.

i sorta cant wait for formal <3 its in like 2 weeks. but that means comps. :(

oh myy.

what i need in life right now:
-someone to cheer me upp. and noticcee when i have that fake smile on. cus behind that mask theres so much misery. and pain. and emotions that are just DIEING to come out.
-a comforting hug. not one of those "oh. hi. whatsup hugs" one of those "omg. i know what your going throuugh, gimme me a hug." and those ones that just make you feel better for like 5 minutes.

i had a longer list than that. but yeaah. this is the result of me not being me.

i hope this little phase of mine passess soon. cus im honeslty not enjoing itt. and this is not the way i want all of sophomore year to be.

i wish you would notice. i wish that things could change. i wish that i was her. but these are all wishes. and wishes don't come truee. so i guess that im stuck here. stuck with being unnoticed. with being "the below average". stuck with no change, and the same thing over and over again. stuck with being myself. im not the one. and i will never be the one. once you've hit rock bottom, i dont think there is any way to go any lower or any higher. so i might as well get used to this scenary. dark, saddening, unwanted... and surprisingly, its pretty easy to get used to.

formspring.me

Would you rather swim in a pool or the ocean?

a pool fshoo. :D

Ask me anything

Today I went to the movies with my boyfriend for a date. He showed up with what looked like a black scribble on his cheek. He told me it was a secret message. I bent in to read it, and got as far as "if you can read this, you are about to be-" before he swooped in and kissed me. It was my first kiss. MLIA

thank you isabel

this post should have come out a lonng long time agggo. x] ahahah

BUT. isabel chua! thank you for helping me out through wintter. breaak. <3 you dont know how mucch that helped mee. x]

i feel like ishould write more here, dearie. but i know you understand me. ;]

"love is found in unexpected places. it is there in the quite moment when we first discover a beautiful thing"

I LOVE YOU!

winter adventures!

so. i did a lot this winter break. with lots of people. (: and i dont want to forget any of it. so imam blog bout it!

Dec18: dinner party!
dec19: eagle project helping. makeup party (anusha, and kals)
dec20: park. jeremy, isabel, alice
dec21: volunteering. TS practice. park!
dec22: nothing? :O
dec23: movie marathon (isabel and allen), IC winter potluck!
dec24: family time! x]
dec25:christmas party (anusha)
dec26: temple (relatives)
dec27: spanish project (jen ding, amy hsu, alice lee)
dec28: sherlock holmes (allen and angela)
dec29: study for permit test.
dec30: anusha's house
dec31: new year's ever party. permit test.
jan1: sleepover (anusha's)
jan2: family time!
jan3: hw. ):

okay. im pretty sure i messed up the first couple of daays. x] esp. dec22 HAHAAH.

wow. i did alot :O time to crank up that studying.

resolutions!

1. accept the truth.
2. dont change the unchangeable.
3. try my best in everything.
4. be optimistic.
5. dont worry in little details, cus in the future. it wont matter.
6. live in the moment.
7. learn to appreciate myself.