rock bottom.

i really like ralph's posst. and thats how i feel right now. so im not gonna bother repeating all of that cus 1. he already wrote it and 2. his is probably beetter anyways.

so yeaah. (: i hate it how my mood can change so quicklly. becuase of one thing. i can be super super HYPER. and liek WOAH. YEAAY. THATS SO COOL. and then like a minute later its like "i hate life. wth. why. this is so unfaaair" and like full on "life is suckish" mode.

i sorta cant wait for formal <3 its in like 2 weeks. but that means comps. :(

oh myy.

what i need in life right now:
-someone to cheer me upp. and noticcee when i have that fake smile on. cus behind that mask theres so much misery. and pain. and emotions that are just DIEING to come out.
-a comforting hug. not one of those "oh. hi. whatsup hugs" one of those "omg. i know what your going throuugh, gimme me a hug." and those ones that just make you feel better for like 5 minutes.

i had a longer list than that. but yeaah. this is the result of me not being me.

i hope this little phase of mine passess soon. cus im honeslty not enjoing itt. and this is not the way i want all of sophomore year to be.

i wish you would notice. i wish that things could change. i wish that i was her. but these are all wishes. and wishes don't come truee. so i guess that im stuck here. stuck with being unnoticed. with being "the below average". stuck with no change, and the same thing over and over again. stuck with being myself. im not the one. and i will never be the one. once you've hit rock bottom, i dont think there is any way to go any lower or any higher. so i might as well get used to this scenary. dark, saddening, unwanted... and surprisingly, its pretty easy to get used to.